Monday, December 28, 2009

my handy man

so we bought the house so we can finally make the changes we want, paint what we want, make the house our home. well, we bought the house nearly 3 months ago. and after moving twice in one year, i'm so ready to get some projects of my to-do list. but here is the problem, my handy man hubby isn't always the handiest nor the most movitated. see, when he's deployed or in the field, lil man and his tools and i tackle all the projects and knock them out. but since aaron came home, i've been trying to let go of my own 'handiness' and let him take on the projects.

well.... it's nearly been 3 months since we moved in and we FINALLY! have storage shelves in our garage so we can ALMOST park both cars in our 2 car garage which we specifically wanted since it snows here and it's rather cold at 5am in the morning when aaron leaves for pt. it did help that my unlce and florida dad have been itching to do some 'man projects.' so, today was a day of 'man projects' and i couldn't be more thrilled! we have storage shelves in the garage AND the light in the fyer works!

now if only i could get him (them) to install those flood lights my hubby insisted we needed (and i want)...

Friday, December 25, 2009

i'm dreaming of a white christmas...

and lots of family and laughs and memories. we got our white christmas and my lil brother made it to town and then my mum and then to top it off, my florida dad showed up! and then my taunte i haven't seen in over 10 years is coming tomorrow! talk about a house full! but it makes for great times! and wonderful memories and lots of warm fuzzies.

this christmas we have truly been blessed. between aaron actually being home, for a christmas in december, and him being home for a little longer, and house full of family for the holidays, when i sit and make a list of all of our blessings, i could fill a notebook. from little moments like cayman sleeping through the night to aaron taking me out the other night for a real date to our beautiful new home we own, we've got so much to be thankful for this year. it's amazing how the little things, like the birth of a child thousands of years ago or a simple text message from my hubby, can change the course of someone's life.

may your year end with many simple little blessings that leave 2009 with a smile.

Friday, December 18, 2009

it took me 5.5 miles to realize it

it took me running 5.5 miles on the treadmill tuesday to realize, 'hello! God doesn't think you're ready to have another child yet!' duh! i'm not down to my weight goal, we're in a good financial place, but could be more comfortable, we still have little stresses in our marriage we need to work on, and hello, we have a few more months as just the three of us.

so, as disappointed as i was about not getting pregnant this month, God has a better plan for us, for me. there are so many things he has put on my pathway and i need to take advantage of all of these blessings and when i get to the bridge with a new addition for our family, because i've walked the path set before me, i will be ready, we will be ready, the journey will be right. so, i pray for strength, for patients, for understanding, for the blessings to continue to be laid before us (and you too). thanks for all the love and support!

Monday, December 14, 2009


so there are tons that can disappoint you, but when it comes to your body, there are just a few things: weight problems, a blemish on your face and then your body just not wanting to cooperate with your plans.

back in september i had my iud taken out. we had decided that it was time to start trying for another addition to the family. i knew that it would be trying, with hormones that don't always cooperate, and knew we were also working with a deployment deadline.

we have a tentative deployment time frame, so we knew that this was the month. well, my hormones played a cruel joke on us. with my aunt flow making a delayed entry, having us hoping that maybe i was baking a bun and aaron had a chance of being home for the birth. well, no such luck. but, not to give up, and deployment time frames are always shifting. but, there is now a greater chance i'll be delivering via webcam so aaron can be part of that special moment. we're not giving up, we're really wanting to grow our family and feel that this is the time, just waiting on God to bless us. it is a crushing blow, but we have faith that when the time is right, God will provide.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

there are no lines on the road!

so this past week we had our first real major snow. it was great! and i'm a little sad now that most of it has turned to dirty slush and begun to melt away. but just like frosty the snowman, the snow shall return.

now never being stationed anywhere north of ft. polk, la, snow has never been a driving factor for us, or our florida honda. yes, our honda is a florida honda, complete with florida license plates and adverse liking to the cold at times. so, i had to take honda in for her oil change and 'first snow' check up. all good now.

but here's what i observed as i cautiously drove through the blowing snow turned frozen over twice ice and now slush, when the white stuff starts falling, there are no lines on the road and this apparently all driving regulations go out the window with the blowing snow! seriously! i've never seen so many blunt drivers just blowing through red lights, ones they clearly could have sold down for. i've never seen so many drivers just driving where ever. sure, the early morning poor souls who had to make the paths were guessing, but by now, when nearly all the snow is cleared from the roads, you no longer can just drive where ever, you actually how to try to drive within the faint lines on the road. it's craziness!

sheer craziness i tell you! but how many times in our lives do we drive down the road of life, making our own rules up, disregarding the faint lines put on our path to guide us?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

i'll be home for christmas

i'll be home for christmas, bring him home santa, when are you coming home, all i want for christmas, a soldier's silent night, and the list goes on.

as we, lil man and i, were baking cookies today, we danced around the kitchen to our favorite christmas songs on the radio. all happy and joyful, and then came on "i'll be home for christmas." i started singing along as i had to all the previous songs. and as i realized what was coming from my mouth, i stopped, i stared out our son and tears started in the inner corners of my eyes. i pulled my lips in and bit down. then cayman said, 'momma?' confused to why i had stopped dropping cookies on the bake sheet, confused to why i had started dancing, confused to why i had stopped singing, confused to why i was starting to cry.

it's amazing how a group of words with a melody could stop you in your tracks. sure, there are other songs that get me at any time of the year, but this time of year is especially hard, even with aaron home. until he gets out of the army, i know there's going to be a good chance that every other or even two christmases, aaron will not be home. i never imagined for a moment that having him home would be as difficult as having him gone.

sure, i get to fall asleep at night next to him and i wake up to him getting ready for pt. and sure he sits across the table from me as we eat dinner. and sure we hold hands as we drive as a family somewhere. but, when i think of how great it is to spend all of this time together, i have it in the back of my mind how next year we'll be doing this long-distance, again. and i know, it's the life we chose. but how do i brace myself to tell our son next summer that daddy won't be home for the year?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

well power and self control

i have 8 bags, yes 8 bags, of chocolate chips sitting on my kitchen counter. usually by this time of year all my cookies would have been baked, packed and en route to the middle east. but this year, they're staying here, well rather going to work just down the road. and it's taking all of my will power not to start snacking on those yummy chocolate chips.

there are times i seriously question if there really is any ounce of self-control in me. i know what the scale says, i know how my jeans fit, i know where i'm suppose to be and how things are suppose to fit, and yet, i give in. i feel so weak. i can do a million different other things that make me 'strong,' but when it comes to what goes in my mouth, oh good heavens, i have a layered-cake-worth of excuses and then some.

so, i know where i'm suppose to be and how things are suppose to fit. and i'm determined to get back there. heck, i lost all of my pregnancy weight while aaron as deployed, so i know i can lose these last few pounds. i've started a monthly challenge, walk, run, or crawl x amount of miles in the month. and i have agreed to run or at least train for a 1/2 marathon for the spring with a fellow army wife. and i vow that come the spring formal, my dress will fit more comfortably, if not need a little taking in.

i've got in me, i know i can do it. a healthy life is a must for this lifestyle we live as army wives.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

breath of fresh air

my blackberry, or crackberry as aaron calls it, vibrated late sunday night. who in their right mind is sending me an email this late? well, it's my super busy frg leader/ shoulder to lean on/ babysitter on the drop of a hat, emailing me about some upcoming events. rubbing my sleepy yet unable to sleep eyes i glare at the screen waiting for my eyes to focus.

man, am i glad i let me eyes focus. apparently somewhere in all my busy-ness everywhere but on post, i missed the posting for a super great conference just for spouses. apparently these two crazy army spouses were coming our way and wanted to drop all these resources on us along with some laughs and stories from their military life. it's free, they're providing child care and they're feeding us. i'm game! so, at o'clock in the middle of the night i'm tapping away on the crackberry registering, only to be waitlisted! boo! but wait, the crackberry vibrated again bright in the morning and my monday started off with sunshine; confirmed to attend!

i'm so glad i actually was able to attend the army wife network's 'field exercise' conference for spouses. besides collecting 8 new ball pens, eating divine bon bons from the cookie brigade, and getting a break from my everyday life, i laughed with other army wives, i shared some of our stories and i even teared up a little. i met me, a few more years down the road, too.

i've been wondering lately what my purpose really is. i have a bachelors in public relations and a masters in elementary education. i have a toddler. i have a husband gearing up to deploy again. i have a home, our home, ours. i have the daily chores of a domesticated engineer (sounds so much fancier then housewife). i have my volunteer posts. but what i've been wondering is where will this all take me? what does God have up his sleeve for me?

so as i sat there listening and sharing and even playing 'Vanna white,' i saw a glimpse of what i want to do. i want to inspire, i want to encourage, i want to share with other military spouses not just our stories, but the stories of my friends, my sisters, strangers who crossed my path, and the resources that are out there, just for us, that many of us didn't even know existed. so, when i grow up, i want to be tara crooks (star was super great too, but us brunettes have to stick together!).