tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50882525899242390122024-02-20T17:01:29.575-07:00true confessions of an army wifeit's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.comBlogger108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-44689356232121646632013-01-17T21:18:00.000-07:002013-01-17T21:18:14.205-07:00well fiddle sticks! it has been way too long!<br />
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it's amazing how quick time can slip between your fingers and the next thing you know, you're holding a piece of paper with orders and a new duty station on it. and to be honest, i'm thrilled, even if it's ft. polk, again.<br />
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in my heart of hearts, i feel as if it's time for us to move on. it's time for us to fade out with the summer sunset and start the summer off some where different. apparently, i'm the only one who shares these feelings. my hubby, well he isn't feeling anything but cheated, but punished, but are you serious. and part of me can't blame him for that, and part of me wants to tell him to suck it because it's going to be good for us, for all of us.<br />
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back in november he got his list. 25 locations, including pearl harbor, belgium, ft sam houston, ft meade, homestead air reserve, all great places minus ntc at ft irwin, jrtc at ft polk and four sfaat slots. he made his list and i made mine, we compared and made our list. he submitted and waited, and waited, and waited, like three weeks. that's really a fast turn around. in that time i had told a few military intel wives that we mi folks get to see places because everyone needs an mi person. little did i know that i was lying to them about seeing places.<br />
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i remember that monday afternoon. he had just started leave and accompanied me to the general's volunteer holiday social. we picked up our boys and headed to his office because he, okay we, were impatiently waiting for our next big adventure. and then it came. just a few words and a report that. and then came the silence and then the ugly growl and then the 'are you serious' (had our boys not been in the office, i'm sure there would have been some very colorful words).<br />
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it took him 45 minutes to calm down and formulate a response to his assignment. he pulled every card out possible.<br />
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and then we waited, and i think he seriously prayed some big ones, and we waited. and the emails came, but they were delays, i'm working with my branch person, hang in there, oh it's the holidays, blah, blah, blah.<br />
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and then it was christmas and new years and our home was filled with guests and there was my hubby pouting like some five year old who didn't get that shiny new bike he had wanted for christmas.<br />
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finally he went back to work and finally got an answer: we took the best of the best, the top 15% and sent their names to the training centers and let them select their folks. <br />
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okay, i can accept that. you're in the top 15%. the best of the best. it's apparently a good career move.<br />
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and the pouting continued. and honestly, i wanted to put my petite little hands on his 6'3" frame and just shake him. are you kidding me. it could have turned out way worse... you could be deploying. we could be staying here and you going unaccompanied. we could be moving in six weeks... it could be way worse.<br />
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it's been two weeks now. i'm thrilled about our move. i'm ready to move. it's time to move. it's been three and half years since we got here. i'm getting our boys ready to move and most days our oldest, a whole five years old now, is on board with the move. who knows, maybe as the weeks pass and we prepare to sell our house and he gets ready to hand over the reigns to his company it will sink in how much we will benefit from this move. until then, i will just support him and make the most of it, as difficult as it is, i will stand there and support him. </div>
it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-69820554024322928662011-03-13T22:24:00.001-06:002011-03-13T22:33:18.683-06:00jealous bug, be goneoh Lord, i want to be supportive and appreciative and have happy tears for them, but seriously, what about us?<br /><br />i'm watching 'coming home' on lifetime and as heart-touching as the reunions are, i'm jealous. jealous to hear that the navy aviator was deployed only 7 months, total. jealous that some tv show was able to get a dad home early for his daughter's concert. jealous that at the end of the day, we'll be doing another 12 + months deployment, my boys will once again be bonding with their father thanks to a webcam, jealous that at the end of the day, they will never hear our story. and i don't like the jealous feeling, it's not who i am. <br /><br />but then again, why not be jealous? heck, i would love a deployment that lasted less than 12 months. i would love for my husband to be home for our boys' birthdays (sure, he'll be home for the birth of our son and be able to put him to sleep for the first 12 days of his life, and then he'll be gone for another 6 + months). i would love for him to be able to take our son to soccer (no 3 yr old should break down in the middle soccer because he misses his daddy that much). i would love for my husband to come home at the end of this deployment and know he'll be home for the rest of our boys' lives. <br /><br />but at the end of the day, it's not the path God has laid before. it's not the journey He has chosen for us. and it's not the easy road we will take. but, it is the road He is carrying us down. and so, jealousy aside, i will try to be happy for those reunited with their loved ones as we wait, and wait, and wait.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-3155600514098653312011-03-02T22:46:00.001-07:002011-03-02T22:58:20.445-07:00this deployment is due to end meso this is the deployment that will due me in, i can feel it.<br /><br />it's like this. he calls like clockwork. and if he can't call, he emails or messages me. even when they go to blackout, i still get a message to reassure me that he is okay. if he leaves the fob, he lets me know that it'll be a few days and that's all i need for peace of mind. <br /><br />fast forward to the last 24hrs: he called, said good night to lil man, we chit-chatted for a few brief moments before he had to go to work (it's daytime there when it's nighttime here. actually works out real conveniently for lil man's bedtime routine and still having daddy be part of it), our usual phone call. then came the day. i had an ob appt (36wks!), we had our usual chick-fil-a playdate (which is when he would usually call), we went to the gym (i'm still doing yoga) and ran some errands, had lil dragons (and lil man is doing so well), had dinner and started our bedtime routine. lil man had a rough bedtime tonight (there was some scratching and hitting and begging for daddy), so i really was hoping hubby would call to help lil man. well, no call during the day and no bedtime call...<br /><br />first i thought maybe it was my phone. then i thought maybe something had happened and he didn't get a chance to get me a message. after checking with other wives, i was told it was a normal, crazy stress-filled day and their husbands were all in bed. hmmm.... this is where having taken the resiliency training back fired. rather than not catophersizing, i did catophersize. and boy am i good about thinking the worse of the worse. literally, i was down to counting the minutes until 11pm because i knew they can't make a notification after 11pm and i would have at least a few more hours to hear from him, that's how bad i am. <br /><br />long story shortened, i got an email about how crazy stress-filled the day was and then he had the pleasure of fixing his computer that had crashed on him. so, rather than sleeping, my hero spent most of his night working on his computer so that when he gets off work he can call home finally. God, i love him!<br /><br />but between preggo hormones and a preschooler and life and just being over these deployments, if i could drinking, there'd be a strong one on my desk right now. instead, i put my trust in God and know that He will get us through this.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-60874899798721169092011-02-20T22:08:00.001-07:002011-02-20T22:26:21.520-07:00and now, i understand<div>so i could never understand why so many women complained about being pregnant. it's such an awesome miracle. such an awesome gift. and now, i understand how awesomely painful it can be.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>i've reached 34 weeks and by this time last time, with lil man, i was breezing through the pregnancy, with not a care in the world. well, buddy, not this time. sure i have a preschooler and a deployed hubby, but this time around more than anything, i think my body is totally making up for my easy pregnancy with lil man. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>arthritis: got it so bad that my arms go numb, driving down the road, chopping up veggies, sleeping, you name it, my arms are in pain. back pain: hello! and i have a 33lb preschooler who has been sick for the entire month of february it seems, so lots of cuddling and holding. sleeplessness: i sleep in 4 hour shifts. which i guess it nice because i feel like my body is preparing itself for midnight feedings, but i would enjoy getting some sleep, for more than 4hrs at a time. (because a nap for lil man isn't always in the cards for him) and getting comfortable: forget it. i can't sit comfortable anymore. i definitely don't sleep comfortable. i can't get comfortable driving (and i have super comfy sits in the honda). and showering, i'm to the point i need a chair in the shower just so i don't fall out. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>so, i can completely now understand why so many women complain about the discomforts of being pregnant. but for me, every.single.ache. has been worth it. even when he's found joy in poking my cervix or even barrows his head in to my pelvis, it's been worth it all.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmC_kWPkiCYRjqlcrQbwF6oF2GAxyilxFtmtSzYVCcsmsKAJB6RXM6DUyph4JlcEl6banCuxdcnN2jHQ3jUAcGT6-FaFVwe0SbBsIGXQtzaoxeS54M_N6nR7vFpYAfz-EuRte1BOYkRV0/s1600/34wks+duke.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5576009846009924850" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmC_kWPkiCYRjqlcrQbwF6oF2GAxyilxFtmtSzYVCcsmsKAJB6RXM6DUyph4JlcEl6banCuxdcnN2jHQ3jUAcGT6-FaFVwe0SbBsIGXQtzaoxeS54M_N6nR7vFpYAfz-EuRte1BOYkRV0/s400/34wks+duke.jpg" /></a> 34 wks</div>it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-72908129585289265922011-02-16T16:54:00.000-07:002011-02-16T17:02:21.458-07:00take that deployment and preggo hormones and life in generalyeah, you heard me... take that deployment, and preggo hormones and life in general. today, i took prisoners, and no nothing took me as their prisoner (i'm sure for that i'll be paying for it for the next few weeks). but it felt so great to feel so accomplished today.<br /><br />as i stood and stared at our calendar on the 10th of this month, for a month i was filled with joy thinking we had just made it to the 5 month mark, and then reality slapped me, hard, across the face (and i think some spit even hit the ground) that we had only survived 4 months of this endless deployment. and so, i found myself in a puddle on the floor. <br /><br />and then there are those preggo hormones. between heartburn in the afternoon, evening, middle of the night, just flat out whenever, and feeling huge, even larger than an elephant at times, and just flat out being sore.all.the.time. and running on sleep that i collected during a 4 hour shift of sleeping, at least i'm getting ready for night time feedings, right, you could say this pregnancy is owning me.<br /><br />and don't forget life. 24 hours to make the most of and then you get a whole new 24 hours. and with a 3 year old who was sick and then a preggo mommy who has been hanging on for some unknown reason to the crud, and the emotions and everything else that comes with life and deployment, there have been more gray days that resemble ft. lewis's weather than our weather lately. <br /><br />but not today! today i accomplished a whole heap of things. broke in to my own home. felt great all day. didn't let a single bump in the road stop us. today i felt as if God himself was walking right in front of me making sure no one and nothing even looked at us the wrong way. what an amazing feeling. i pray it continues, or at least rears its head more often around here.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-31849248110829717402011-01-17T20:33:00.001-07:002011-01-17T20:38:26.563-07:00so drained and it has even been a 100 dayswe're riding the deployment roller coaster again and to be honest, it's true, it never.ever.gets easier.<br /><br />we're not a 100 days in yet, getting close though, and already i feel drained and completely over this whole deployment. sure i have a 3 year old to tame and am baking a bun and am a homeowner this time around. and yes we just spent the last 10 weeks traveling. but honestly, i'm over it all. <br /><br />i'm over being strong. i'm over being supportive (not of hubby because he is my hero i'll carry him to the end of the earth). i'm over being understanding how this may be hard for this person or that person. i'm over cooking for lil man and myself (i hate leftovers). i'm over being organized and getting care packages out in time for each holiday (yes, i bought moon pies today for the mardi gras package). i'm just flat out over it. <br /><br />and i know God is actually the one carrying me and i'm being selfish, but i feel like i'm at this alone. and i know i'm not. but still. tomorrow is another day and another 24hrs to fill to the brim and trust God i'm doing the best i can.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-2625158318833970692011-01-12T20:12:00.000-07:002011-01-12T20:20:03.334-07:00project: pay it forwardso rather than another 'perfect list,' this year i want to do something to help others. i want to do something each month to help someone else, pay it forward, because we are fortunate to be able to financially do so. so each month i want to take $50 from our spending/ allowance money and do something for someone else. here's my list so far:<br /><br />grocery giftcard<br />pay on someone else's utilities<br />mani/pedi giftcard with childcare<br />donate a mops (mothers of preschoolers) scholarship<br />dinner/date giftcard with childcare<br /><br />i know there are a billion other things i can do. i'm so excited! i figure there are even things i can do without spending a dime, that i want to do as rak (random acts of kindness) and even things our lil man can do. i figure this will be our year of paying it forward.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-84476179939823352532011-01-09T20:15:00.000-07:002011-01-09T20:23:28.112-07:00new year, new adventureshello new year! and that means only one thing, new adventures (and challenges). looking at remaining 51 weeks left in this year, can i tell you we definitely have some adventures ahead of us:<br />*wrapping up our 10 long weeks of traveling and finally getting back home<br />*cleaning out the kitchen and making sure 'eating healthy' is actually do-able<br />*work on the nursery... umm... less than 12 weeks and baby 2.2 will be here!<br />*face another birthday (and i'm actually stoked to just get to 30, though that's another year away)<br />*convince baby 2.2 that he needs to stay put until daddy gets home<br />*bring baby 2.2 and the hubby home and be a happy little family for a few days before r&r fades away and we begin the countdown to homecoming<br />*figure out how to raise two boys while daddy is across the world<br />*maintain a home, as the homeowner (praying that nothing breaks or needs major repair)<br />*plan homecoming!<br />*plan the holidays, together<br /><br />and those are just the highlights. and to be honest, that list is nothing but short of overflowing with blessings and i know there are a bunch more in store for us this year!it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-12954294559005386362010-12-28T12:25:00.000-07:002010-12-28T12:37:38.695-07:00you win, but 2011 will be even betterso it's been a while. and to be honest, i have no real good excuses. but here i am. and baby 2.2 too. and well, as 2010 draws to an end, here i sit feeling baby 2.2 kick and lil man is 'resting' as he likes to call his naps in the other room and hubby is some 7 thousand miles away and to be honest, i can't say i can check anything off my list of '10' for 2010. but i'm okay with that. i am.<br /><br />when i look back over the year, everything else won, not me. but as i look forward to 2011, i know the victory is already in my grasp. sure, i didn't lose 10lbs, in fact i gained 10lbs and then some, but then again i'm baking a bun. and i didn't run my 10k or my 10 miler, but i was up to 6 miles until i was side lined. and i already have my eyes on 2012 the army ten miler. i didn't read 10 new books, but that's okay, i read lots of news stories and personal stories and learned even a few new words. and maybe this is my subtle hint that i'm not a reader. i didn't learn 10 new verses, but i kept a few on my heart everyday, and i would rather have a few on my heart than 10 verses learned for the sake of learning them. and i wrote a lot of cards, they didn't make them in the mailbox, but those that did, i know were cherished by the ones who received them. and i made 10 genuine connections. well, they were genuine to me. and those 10 pedis, well, there's a reason why we live in colorado now.<br /><br />regardless of what i did or didn't accomplish in the last 360 odd days, in the end, i lived 360 odd days to the fullest, even when spending most of the day in the bathroom throwing up, and blessed, even when there were dark clouds. so, He will hold my hand and i will have the victory next year, because i can already see it, because i am blessed beyond belief.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-82252103679535867382010-06-28T22:43:00.000-06:002010-06-28T22:51:35.335-06:00eyes open, arms opened wide, breathe deepso lil man and i love being in colorado because there are so many 'climb rocks' experiences. aka, we belong to a hiking group for mommies and their tots. and to be honest, it's the best investment/ membership we have, well besides my plush sports club membership.<br /><br />but today as we were meeting up with our group i got the sting of reality. because everyone in our group has different schedules and our hikes are all over colorado springs, sometimes it's a while between hikes that we see each other. well, one of the moms we had seen last in march shared happy news the same day about our impending pregnancies. well, she's 21 weeks along and well, i'm not. and apparently no one told her. and well, as i opened my eyes wide to take in the beautiful view of the rockies and opened my arms wide to catch my lil man running down the hillside, i took a deep breathe and was stung with the reality that it's just us, just the three of us.<br /><br />however, on a happier note, apparently secretary gates has a heart and has decided to give our family a few more weeks together and allow us one more extra try at letting God do his magic and grow our family.<br /><br />thank you sec gates for having a heart. though when we get pregnant, we won't be naming our lil one after you.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-38600249169064073352010-06-16T22:57:00.000-06:002010-06-16T23:03:27.812-06:00finding the positive isn't always easyso i know the last few posts have been rather depressing. and to be honest, i've put off writing my weekly deployment check-in along with a few other things because i've just been an emotional mess and can't take on more. <br /><br />with the reality that we're less then 90 days out from duffel bags, white buses and webcam dates again, i know our opportunities for make a baby are getting slimmer too. and then the thought that hubby will miss two birthdays, two football seasons, two halloweens, two thanksgivings, two christmases and one of everything else in between, i'm having a hard time trying to find the positive, the silver lining, the joy in what God has put before me. <br /><br />usually i'm good at finding the positive, but i have these fears, thoughts that i know the devil has placed in my way to make we weaver in my faith. i know that i can overcome those thoughts, i know God will bring us through this. He is bringing us to it, so i know He'll bring us through it. but even with that echoing in my head, i'm having a hard time believing it with all my heart, soul and mind. and heck, why shouldn't i. 15 months is a very long time. iraq is safer then afghanstain, but still. any number of things could happen. what if i don't get pregnant? what if i miscarry and hubby is half a world away? what if? <br /><br />but i'm trying to wrap my head around it. find the positive and make the most of our time together. so, my prayer is for positive thinking, for courage to face the journey before us, to have renewed and continued faith and to kick satan out of my mind.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-40061437988289898902010-05-30T20:14:00.000-06:002010-05-30T20:27:22.760-06:00on vacation, sortaso we're having a grand ole time on vacation, no real schedule to keep, doing as we please, hardly a spat over anything and on the inside, i'm a total emotional mess. seriously an emotional hot mess. <br /><br />between being worn down by lil man's morning tantrums, i blame the darn time difference (he's waking up here at 6am, but in reality it's only 4am back home) and then the sheer excitement of everything we're doing together but then the looming thought that this could be our last vacation as a family, ever, it's just a train wreck of emotions. and all the same i'm keeping a smile on my face and my head held high as we make our way through the lines and laugh and smile and just enjoy being together and yet, each person passing by has no clue what a hot mess i am on the inside.<br /><br />but then again, i can see in some of their eyes that maybe they can see past the smiles and laughter and they can see it in my eyes that when we pass the little girls' sections in the stores i feel cheated or maybe they can see when we pose for a picture that i'm praying it's not the last, or maybe they can see when i'm laughing at the silly face our lil man is making that inside i'm just slap worn out. and maybe they can relate or they simply want to care. but i just can't let it all out, not all at least. i do let out a few tears here and there.<br /><br />we sat watching the 'hall of presidents' today and patriotic things always make me teary, but i teared up as i watched, not because i'm proud to be american, which i am, but because my husband is risking his life and leaving us to do so for each and every person we sit in the show with and then some. and then as we pass through the shops, thank goodness for bug-eyed, dark sunglasses as hot tears roll down my cheek and i quickly wipe them away as i brush pass the princess dresses and minnie ears. and then come the happy tears as i breathe a sigh of relief and belief and know that it will all be okay and know that i'm not in this alone. and i can feel His arms around me as i watch those shows and as i pass the shops and know that He is giving me strength to endure.<br /><br />on a side note, i tried to make the blog private but realized that the blog is smarter then me.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-88728771458928463992010-05-20T22:01:00.000-06:002010-05-20T22:10:52.891-06:004wks and living and dyingso it's been four weeks, which i didn't realize until i was watching grey's anatomy's last 15 minutes when meredith herself experiences the same grief. and then i thought of the preview for this coming weekend's army wives and i all i can think is, 'really!?!, do i really need more reminders.'<br /><br />i couldn't figure out why i felt so emotionally and physically exhausted today, but as i sit here reflecting on my recent journey and looking at my beautiful angel hubby got me for mother's day (i would have been 12wks on mother's day) i know why. in the last four weeks i've kept myself so busy, on the go constantly that i have to confess that i have not grieved completely or properly yet. sure, i've cried here and there and i've made my peace with God, for the most part though tv shows i watch in hopes of relaxing are making me a little upset with Him, and i want to say that i'm ready for the next step, but i'm honestly just avoiding the pain. <br /><br />to be honest, it will be nice to get away, to leave behind the reminders of the life we will not be living, right now. it'll be nice to step away and take a breathe, truly relax and grieve, at the happiest place on earth (go figure). but i know through it all, with a deployment looming, a body that hasn't regulated yet, and this grief and the million things on my plate, i know that i don't control it all and i don't make the decisions on what happens and how far the ripples will spread. i just sit back and watch the beautiful picture He is painting with me.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-87550301321212461252010-05-18T22:53:00.000-06:002010-05-18T23:03:03.446-06:00tears on a sunny dayso i'm not one to sit and cry, much. and i'm not one to let the projects around new home pile up. but the other day, as i was using my hand shovel to 'cut' the grass out of the front yard so i could lay down the pavers the previous owners left us (the left side of the driveway has pavers already, they just never finished the job), i had to great help of our lil man, assisting me in every.single.step.of.the.way.<br /><br />but as we were pulling up the row of sod, i collapsed trying to take the sod roll and dump it in the garbage can. but lil man simply pulled a piece of sod off and tossed it in the garbage and very clearly pointed out to me that i needed to take smaller pieces and toss them. once we had staked down our weedblock and smoothed out our sand, it was time to move those heavy pavers. the first few weren't too bad and i started on the far end of the drive (not like we have a long driveway). but as i laid each paver down and my arms got tired, i got angry at my hubby. why hadn't he taken on this project? why wasn't he the one who was doing all the yard work? and then, as the gentle breeze blew and the clouds slowly crept across the sunny mid-day sky, i cried out, 'why am i able to do this! i shouldn't be able to do this! i should be restricted from heavy lifting. i should be pregnant!'<br /><br />and then i sat on our front steps and cried tears on that sunny day. it was a moment i'm sure that will repeat itself over and over again in the months and years to come. it was a moment i'm sure to relive when i least expect it (come on, i was laying pavers, nothing 'mommy-ing' in that). but it was a moment that i was wrapped in warm sunshine and knew i wasn't alone as i cried tears on a sunny day. and now that summer is near and the warm evenings are hopefully here to stay, as i look out over the plains and see the far of distant lighting over kansas, i know our angel is up there playing, just waiting for us to be a family again someday.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-76114129309759827002010-05-14T22:25:00.001-06:002010-05-14T22:34:30.405-06:00been there all the time waitingever feel like the light bulb has come on and you 'duh,' you've been there the whole time? it's kind of one of those moments where you go, 'okay, i can see you, i know you've been there the whole time, i've just not wanted to see you there.' <br /><br />with our recent miscarriage and the upcoming deployment and the mounding of things i've taken on and a toddler who has decided now would be a good time to regress and act 2, i have found myself throwing my arms more then ever and going, 'seriously?!? are you serious!' and it's not fair, i mean, i know in my heart of hearts, if God brings you to it, He will bring your through it. but, honestly lately, i've felt that that is easier said then believed. <br /><br />as sat there tonight at the wings for women military spouses conference and admired all the pregnant bellies, i put my hand on my stomach and knew that all i was feeling was my well-padded storage of yummy foods i really didn't need. and as i sang my little heart out, oh Lord, please let me have been somewhat in tune, the words spoke straight to my heart. and as i listened to the keynote speakers, laughing a lot and feeling refreshed, my mind kept wondering off to the timeline of things to come in the near future... and it was while i was drifting through the future that i saw the light bulb come on, if i ever needed God, i need him now. <br /><br />between the grief and waiting, between the unknown and waiting, between Him waiting so patiently for me to go 'ah-huh,' He has been there the whole time carrying me and holding me close. and knowing that He was there in those dark moments and in those uncertain moments, i know He will be there as i continue to take one step at a time and take one breathe at a time, knowing that He will bring me to it, and He will bring me through it.<br /><br />ps, with some crazy comments being left and OPSEC and such, i've decided to make the blog private. simply leave me a comment with your email and i will make sure to add you to the guest list. the blog will go private friday, may 21.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-87941513565805465292010-04-26T16:44:00.000-06:002010-04-26T16:55:53.413-06:00and now i'm in the anger stageso they say that when you grieve the loss of someone, you will go through six stages, not always in any particular order, but you will stop for at least a moment in each stage: denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.<br /><br />i've accepted what has happened. i guess while i was going through the agony of the 'birth' i was trying to convince and bargain with God that he really didn't want to take our baby. in actual grieving aka crying, i have isolated myself and that's just how i am. i'm a very emotional person both public and private, but when it comes to actually grieving, i tend to isolate myself. and well leaves us with denial, anger and depression. i guess part of me is in denial still holding out hope that maybe when i go for the ultra sound the doctors will realize they were wrong and that our baby is just fine, safe and sound in my cervix in my belly right where she belongs. and i have a feeling depression will rear her ugly head eventually. but at this moment, it's anger i'm feeling. <br /><br />i'm angry that this even happened. i'm angry that my hubby is stressed at work with peoples' petty whining over meaningless things (many don't know what happened over the course of the last few days). i'm angry people don't understand that i want to grieve alone (and to be honest, there's nothing wrong with that and actually it's rather healthy for you). i'm angry that i had to miss out on this past weekend's fun events and 10k. i'm angry that the triage nurse still hasn't called. i'm angry that that i'm angry. <br /><br />i'm not angry at God though. crazy though considering the fact that He is the one in control of all this and the one who ultimately made this happen. and yet, i can't find myself to be angry with him. <br /><br /><em>three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. ~buddha</em>it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-65304610114303062682010-04-23T10:26:00.000-06:002010-04-23T10:59:54.209-06:00and just like that it was over with<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoJxBP61Sg_RreveDapU-6EQSML9jgqvDy9hf1Nb5hEgRFoaum5aanFtpwaiDo-70ZEz-LYPGpS5Cpt3Ln6I1rj7wODRTG6fswZGFmF46X2NkQyzLrx1flJD4aTNOj_ikNXa4oRhtAC7c/s1600/spacer.gif"><img style="WIDTH: 1px; HEIGHT: 1px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463378666545131890" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoJxBP61Sg_RreveDapU-6EQSML9jgqvDy9hf1Nb5hEgRFoaum5aanFtpwaiDo-70ZEz-LYPGpS5Cpt3Ln6I1rj7wODRTG6fswZGFmF46X2NkQyzLrx1flJD4aTNOj_ikNXa4oRhtAC7c/s400/spacer.gif" /></a><br /><div>as the thunderstorms rolled through our area last night, with hail and all of God's beautiful fiery and power, it was over. just like the morning my water broke with lil man, with all its rain and thunder nearly 2 and a half years ago, i gave 'birth' as the hail pounded our roof and the lightning stretched across the night sky.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>as of yesterday i was 9 wks 5 days pregnant with our second child. we hadn't told many. in fact, we had actually planned on telling everyone next week. using my picture of me running the okc memorial marathon relay 10k at 10 wks pregnant we wanted to announce the joyful news. but God has other plans for us. {jeremiah 29:11}</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>this terribly scary journey began tuesday with some light spotting, normal for most pregnancies. following doctor's orders, i went home, rested and tried to relax. wednesday morning things just didn't seem 'right.' i had called the triage nurse, but unbeknown to me their systems had crashed along with my contact info, and went to my eye doctor's appointment. yea! contacts! i can see again. i remember talking to my optometrist about running and being pregnant and he asked, 'is that safe to do?' i explained since i've been running for nearly a year, i was cleared to continue running through my pregnancy. i shared some pointers and we were done. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>things still didn't feel 'right' and i didn't want to just 'sit and wait' anymore for the nurse to call back (though remember, their systems had crashed). lil man and i headed for ft. carson's evans hospital and the ob walk-in clinic. after a short wait we saw dr. silver. after telling him how i now had some 'period-like' cramps and the bleeding had increased, he did a vaginal ultra sound. lil man was so thrilled to see the baby! i had explained to him that he could talk to the baby in my belly but we had to 'see' her on a 'special tv.' unfortunately i couldn't get a hold of hubby (oh how i love the army), but we went to visit him after the doctor's. i explained to him that i was on strict orders to do a whole lot of nothing, to relax and drink lots of water, but we had seen the baby and her heartbeat! </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>well, wednesday afternoon hubby took off early and came home with us. by the time we made the 45 minute drive home, the cramping and bleeding had increased even more. so, we grab lil man's backpack, threw in some snacks, toys and the ipod loaded with his movies and headed to evans' er. after 6 glorious hours, through which i kept reminding myself to calm down and that we are not alone in this {psalm 46:10}, we were told that there was no clear answer to whether or not i would miscarry or if my placenta had simply tore as it was stretching.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>at 5:20am thursday morning i felt as if i were going into labor. the cramping had become so strong and painful and by now i was bleeding and a lot. we headed back to the er, where i nearly collapsed while trying to check-in (thank you super nice emt who got me a wheelchair!). after the iv and the morphine, i had another ultra-sound. hubby and lil man weren't allowed to come along. so in the room with three strangers, i put on a brave face as the doctor read the screen and looked at me, 'ma'am, there is no detectable heartbeat and your baby is measuring only 8 wks, 1 day. i'm so sorry.'</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>my er doctor explained to us that what happened is called 'fetal demise.' because the baby wasn't developing correctly, my body had decided to end the pregnancy (gosh it's so hard to find the right words for this), and miscarry. i'm thinking of as God sparing us greater pain later on by doing this {psalm 32:4}.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>dr. silver gave us our options and i chose to let my body its thing, clinging to my faith and the hope that maybe they were all wrong and had missed something and that everything would be alright in <em>my</em> sense of the word. we returned home as the cramping continued. by night fall i was still in shock and just numb to the situation. but as the thunder roared and the lightning lit up the night sky, i gave 'birth' and just like that, it was over with.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>we are finding peace in this though. knowing that God truly does have a better plan for us. see, had i gone full-term, i would have been due the week of thanksgiving and hubby would have been deployed with no way of being home for the birth. and as we watch our lil man play with his toys (by the way, we explained to him that the baby got very sick and that she's in heaven now with God watching over us and he's okay with that), we can't help but feel so blessed already. when the time is right, God will guide us to make the decision on whether or not to try again.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>we thank God and all of you for your continued love and support. we will get through this too </div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-72387858906456527372010-04-05T23:12:00.000-06:002010-04-05T23:20:42.396-06:00hey soul sisterever see someone and their glow and just can't help but stare? and then you look at everything that's going on around them and really can't help but stare and be amazed by their continued glow and amazing soul?<br /><br /><strong>i want to be that person.</strong><br /><br /><br /><br />in this life we've been given by God to trail on down its pathway, pathways sometimes because we forget our plans are not God's plans, there is room for so many moments to dampen our glow, our soul, our dance in the rain. it's not that i want to be stared at, no way, shape or form, but i want to be able to stand there or dance or sing or simply smile and be able to encourage, inspire someone to do the same. i guess it's my servant-heart that God has blessed me with. i want to serve others by providing that encouragement. i don't need to know that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> done so, but i want to feel, i want to know that i am. even when it rains or the darkness of the deep lonely night sets in, i want to be able to be a glow for someone.<br /><br />and sometimes i forget that the best person i can be that glow for is the person staring right back at me in the mirror. i think sometimes that sister of mine has the most amazing glow, even if it's just for a split second and then she's off and chasing a two year old or scrubbing the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">toilets</span> or running to this event or that meeting, but even that glimpse of her and her soul reminds me that i am that <em>soul sister</em> with her glow and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">encouragement</span> and amazement, i just have to let her out.<br /><br /><em>Lord, ease my mind and quiet my thoughts and busy-body so that YOU can take my soul sister and let her shine and inspire others by serving YOU. amen</em>it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-81751979465851777002010-03-18T22:12:00.000-06:002010-03-18T22:30:54.378-06:00no matter what, their parade will always get rained ondo you know someone that no matter what, their parade will always get rained on? regardless of what it is, their situation is always horrible, painful, worse then everyone elses' situation? and they always complain about how they are feeling bummed out all the time and just can't figure out why or how to get over it? <div><div></div><br /><div>i don't like to dwell on negative feelings. i don't like to surround myself with negative people. i don't believe life is all sunshine, rainbows and cupcakes. but i do believe that no matter how horrible, painful or awful my situation, someone else's situation will always be worse then mine so i try not to complain, or not as loudly. </div><div></div><div> </div><div>sure, i can rattle of a list of things that i have happened to me in my lifetime that should have knocked me down, brought me to cries and should have left me questioning God (and don't think i didn't at the time). but when i look in the mirror, i'm glad they happened to me and that God brought me through them for they made me the person i am today, fully capable of handling anything that comes my way.</div><div></div><br /><div>looking ahead to what 2010 holds for me and my family, i know there's a deployment on the horizons again. but i also know we're also trying to add to our family, most likely resulting in me delivering with hubby watching via webcam the birth of our child. there are holidays he'll miss, again. there are the moments we want to share with our family but can't because we live on the other side of the country from them. there wil be friends who will disappoint. there will be opportunities missed. there will be much more. but when 2010 closes out, we can say we made it and we made it with God's merciful hands around us.</div><div></div><div> </div><div>and so, let the negative nancy and sad sally boo whoo, and yes, i'll offer an encouraging word and pray for them, but at the end of the day, i won't let them bring me down.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk8O_ke5g9NIJZ1gM7uRGWTAe2OnppU40E069LkeXzl1wFTpNU1cmItiKTK53mHXeiwR951rxyF2XdMMOqpkxrU-CI_2Tt_eAQUJLJb1d6ZWeVLW8GxPYD_vJq4Yk1GRyPp8rpE4lTCvk/s1600-h/IMG_0577.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 267px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450196555617582866" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk8O_ke5g9NIJZ1gM7uRGWTAe2OnppU40E069LkeXzl1wFTpNU1cmItiKTK53mHXeiwR951rxyF2XdMMOqpkxrU-CI_2Tt_eAQUJLJb1d6ZWeVLW8GxPYD_vJq4Yk1GRyPp8rpE4lTCvk/s400/IMG_0577.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEXoZ4OhZJUOazhZxWAC0QdCv2eIjwYxnmkWr9R5IwNRY0Gnza8o_oMrK7XQ_S8pBOMTScc_tfRQqL4RXirOcb1qFvNcKaJ5iQsRj62SyHdD0eBwVqY-UEpQgoiaxI7Li-WHS0QRNbNZw/s1600-h/IMG_0606.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 267px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450197301254307666" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEXoZ4OhZJUOazhZxWAC0QdCv2eIjwYxnmkWr9R5IwNRY0Gnza8o_oMrK7XQ_S8pBOMTScc_tfRQqL4RXirOcb1qFvNcKaJ5iQsRj62SyHdD0eBwVqY-UEpQgoiaxI7Li-WHS0QRNbNZw/s400/IMG_0606.JPG" /></a></div></div>it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-51101552129808712202010-02-24T16:44:00.000-07:002010-02-24T17:16:56.646-07:00through the lens of my carema<div><div><div><div>so aaron totally rocked my birthday (and valentine's day and our anniversary and mother's day) with a brand spanking new canon eos 7d! so, i've been playing around with it, learning how to use it and just enjoying life through the lens of my new camera.</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixamoLR6xOmlNukaoKvPnFHdXHN1Vm-FgFoCP7QdxC8cGdGUy8_HkPV_SyZjogkauqhahGE_N33sBLyQTFTP98xkTffYfHAZTcTMEFMP0kl9JqFtndfQLzNmn1bGwGhEe6acaHlhLVwqM/s1600-h/IMG_0175.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 267px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441967181691039730" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixamoLR6xOmlNukaoKvPnFHdXHN1Vm-FgFoCP7QdxC8cGdGUy8_HkPV_SyZjogkauqhahGE_N33sBLyQTFTP98xkTffYfHAZTcTMEFMP0kl9JqFtndfQLzNmn1bGwGhEe6acaHlhLVwqM/s400/IMG_0175.JPG" /></a>as i was taking pictures the other day of our lil man as the snow fell gently around him, i started thinking, when you turn off the 'auto focus' and start using the 'manual focus,' it was more excitng to take pictures and see the end results. life is just the same way. when you turn off the 'auto focus' and start looking at life through 'manual focus,' you start seeing things more clearly for yourself.</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNMRZrC_Cy4zoD53gHaNGO_Oh5GCqbFxxl1RvqJ9_SF4hX1gJIdQuI5Z5a2G1iEXngHkP1o8h_mXClwnxAfDlddo9XDP5QCgVUbRzZ9BMqiRGB56QHzPwcQCE2IZdCjjnV7tO8lQTAIQw/s1600-h/IMG_0220.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441965869228763234" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNMRZrC_Cy4zoD53gHaNGO_Oh5GCqbFxxl1RvqJ9_SF4hX1gJIdQuI5Z5a2G1iEXngHkP1o8h_mXClwnxAfDlddo9XDP5QCgVUbRzZ9BMqiRGB56QHzPwcQCE2IZdCjjnV7tO8lQTAIQw/s400/IMG_0220.JPG" /></a>as i turned the focus thingy to clear up the image through the lens, i started realizing that once i stopped going through life on 'auto,' i was able to start focusing on what's really important, not the things everyone else thought for me was important, but what i myself thought was and is important to me, for myself, for my family, for those who surround me. </div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidk_S2HnuZXr-QzLWTsjuiCwjURGHbCgV8F_w0aT-bxxHt-_jDktqkN8yX0qiPEAGiB14GnvCy4vW-xs_b61dSgbFzksYtTApZUHjx7Q-c9Uq2XLh_DDkxAZDnAybqjBMAQ_3-pjxQ25A/s1600-h/IMG_0219.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 267px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441966213002664866" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidk_S2HnuZXr-QzLWTsjuiCwjURGHbCgV8F_w0aT-bxxHt-_jDktqkN8yX0qiPEAGiB14GnvCy4vW-xs_b61dSgbFzksYtTApZUHjx7Q-c9Uq2XLh_DDkxAZDnAybqjBMAQ_3-pjxQ25A/s400/IMG_0219.JPG" /></a><br /><div></div><div>and so with that, i'm focusing more on the 'manual' setting in my life, starting with the things i spend my time and energy on. aaron pointed out recently that i've been wearing myself thin, trying to help too many and forgetting to help myself and our family. so, the auto setting is off, the manual setting is on and i can't wait to see the pictures God and i take in 'manual.'<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRoRDJkwKG6EwiFhNtd5bGh2VpwRiCFRx8NVkRpsOMklX1mcEnB_lJxwgU3-OUuVQgs8FxCrqQIv_aaFJj2dcY2rSJ9ztVkrjrDOSZcqz1-X-nRWk4Fppyt0pfLZlzdbrwqllQapvkihw/s1600-h/IMG_0216.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441966555156499122" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRoRDJkwKG6EwiFhNtd5bGh2VpwRiCFRx8NVkRpsOMklX1mcEnB_lJxwgU3-OUuVQgs8FxCrqQIv_aaFJj2dcY2rSJ9ztVkrjrDOSZcqz1-X-nRWk4Fppyt0pfLZlzdbrwqllQapvkihw/s400/IMG_0216.JPG" /></a></div></div></div></div>it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-71750432473932553082010-02-16T22:10:00.000-07:002010-02-16T22:11:42.759-07:00nothing, but a lot of thingsever just have a lot on your mind, but then nothing to really write? a lot has happened, but it just seems that i have no energy to sort it all out in my brain, get it through my finger tips and have it make sense for you to digust. so, i leave you with nothing, but with lots of things on my mind.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-60696489317439872752010-02-02T20:33:00.000-07:002010-02-02T20:48:20.615-07:00what about my sonit's a double post night!<br /><br />as i listen to lil man doze off to sleepy-by land on the baby monitor, and as i spend another night combing through the countless websites, reading article after article, searching for answers, i wonder, what about my son?<br /><br />sure the department of defense has made sure there are plenty of resources for parents and teachers for school-aged children facing the deployment cycle. but when it comes to our youngest family members, it seems that most forget that they too serve, they too suffer, they too need support and comfort and help. <br /><br />sure we keep busy, we have a routine, we watch 'dadda story' (videos of daddy reading stories), we do the webcam playdates, we have a picture wall gallery of pictures of lil man and daddy, we have the build-a-bear, we've read 'the kissing hand' and 'night catch,' lil man wears his milawear bracelet and has a set of daddy's dogtags, we talk on the phone with daddy as much as he can call, we do art for daddy and wounded warriors, we have monthly goals to help pass the time, we have playdates with other little ones going through the same thing, but at the end of the day, daddy still isn't home and it's still months before he'll be home (well, not right now, but come later on this year it will). <br /><br />even now with hubby just tdy for three weeks, each and every time lil man hears an airplane (at lil man's request, we stayed at until we saw his plane taxi away), he has asked, 'dadda airplane?' and each time i tell him, 'not today. but in X more bedtimes daddy will be home.' there have already been a few times that i've bit my lip and looked away as to avoid tearing up. and to think, this is just a three week tdy and he's just a few states away. what am i going to do when hubby is 7 timezones and 7,079 miles away for at least 12 months?<br /><br />i pray each and every night to God for strength and guidance. i've been grabbing every book possible to read and find more strategies for coping. i've talked with other moms. i've mentioned it to our deputy commander and our care team. but what more can i do? what more can i do for our son? for all the little ones who are forgotten?it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-67012089680207895782010-02-02T20:20:00.000-07:002010-02-02T20:32:59.812-07:00what's really importantso this past weekend i went to church with my new bestie (don't worry other besties, you haven't be replaced, just added another). it's amazing how you can quickly forge a friendship with someone (but both of our hubs have been tdy the last two weeks and we've been sharing meals and helping her learn the town and the post). i digress. so at any rate, we're listening to this sermon about luke 12:12-21 about what are your real riches and the masks people will wear.<br /><br />as we've been discussing each evening after the meal we've shared, i hate leftovers, i've come to realize that i too wear a masks, but i've also re-evaluated those who i counted close to me and slowly found that they too are wearing masks. there is no greater disappointment then to put your trust and confidence in someone and then realize that that trust and confidence has been betrayed when they turn and 'run' their mouth about you to someone else. <br /><br />as i approach my 10 year high school reunion and i look over the pictures and jog down memory lane, i find that there are some that i wish i was still close friends with, but because of their masks and betrayal, we're not. and it's sad.<br /><br />as the message continued, we also have discussed what's important to us. everyone needs a passion. whether it's your work, your family, your stress release, your possessions, everyone has something they are passionate about. if not, then they are missing out on life. however, sometimes your passion is not something you can store up and have waiting on you when you get to heaven. thinking about what my passion, helping others, i wonder, is that maybe why i've re-evaluated those around me and consider which are wearing the masks and which are passionate about being themselves and being true to me. <br /><br />so at the end of the day, i know God has a plan for me, for me not to wear a mask, for me not to store up materialistic things, for me to carry on the path of life with those surrounding me that are true not just to me, but to themselves. <br /><br />never seen a hoarse pulling a u-haul trailer.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-10356486027402919542010-01-28T22:33:00.000-07:002010-01-28T22:42:50.244-07:00you can make a differenceso i'm just a lowly captain's wife. just a stay at home mom (though we're never home). just another spouse at fort carson.<br /><br />well, last week the command at carson decided they should have a 'blog webchat' with those who wanted to share their concerns, praises and groans about things at carson. so, i of course took advantage of the moment to complain out the information channel(s) and the lack of customer service. well, apparently since i didn't just complain but actually offered solutions, i caught the eye of one of the top dogs. i was told to email him and for two days we played phone tag. well, after a short hour meeting with top dog, i have a voice for all those who want to see change at fort carson. <br /><br />i never really thought that all my gripes and suggestion for more efficient and effective use of resources for our soldiers and their families would ever become much of anything else but small talk over coffee. it's amazing how God can put you in the right place at the right time. here's praying that i really will be able to really bloom where i'm planted.it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088252589924239012.post-16269692147969670762010-01-22T22:48:00.000-07:002010-01-22T23:01:53.939-07:00no thank you, i don't like hiccupsever feel like everything is going long just fine and then all of a sudden there's a hiccup? and then another? and one more hiccup after that one? <br /><br />it seems that this last week was a make or break week with its hiccups, one after another. well, just like with this week and every other thing that comes up, you have two choices: take the hiccup, sit down and throw a pity party or you take the hiccup and tell it to take a hike. this week, every hiccup was told to take a hike. the coffee the kid knocked over and onto my backside during today's story time, no biggie, it was just a peppermint mocha and my pants smelled good. the hiccup of hubby going tdy and forcing lil man to become permanently attached to me, oh well, it's practice for the deployment. the disappointment in others' decisions this week. hey, you have to do what you have to do. <br /><br />all and all, when evil tries to make its way into your day, you have to remember, it's a test, it's a way to hiccup what God has given you. and that's when you have to decide, pity party or take a hike?it's me, just me, nothing fancy, just simple mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15046426238496013780noreply@blogger.com0