you get what you pray for

so i'm always praying for patients with cayman. he's 18 months old and as curious and adventurous as they come. and i pray for strength to face the things that i can not hang. well, the other night we're saying our blessing over dinner and it hit me, i can't have patients or strength unless God gives me a reason to have them and use them.

it's one of those things, you pray for rain and you get a monsoon. you pray for sunshine and you get crystal clear days with high temperatures. so many times we find ourselves praying for things (after praising of course) but forgetting that all good things will come to us, but we will have to use them. we will have to endure them and all that comes with them. and with that, we must also remember, God will not give us more then we can handle. sometimes we just have to ask him for help.

i have been fighting a lot of stress and anger lately. stress you would expect from me with the recent move and all. but anger, that is one that has caught me off guard. however, knowing that going to God with an open heart and mind and asking him for help is the way to go, but not easy, i find myself somewhat spiraling. when one exams my life, the list of blessings is ridiculously long and one might question where this anger is coming from (i quesiton it everytime i get upset). however, knowing that i can seek God and he will point in the right direction to deal with this, i find comfort knowing that i will battle and i will defeat this demon.

knowing that i never walk alone, even when the valley is deep and long and the mountain top seems so far out of reach, i can keep my head up and know i will get back on top of the mountain, both inside and out.

ps, i love you and i love you for sticking by me through this all.