i can live with that

ever wonder what kind of story God has in mind for you? will your life be a slap stick comedy or a serious adventure story? will it play out as a romantic comedy or a story with a female heroine? it's funny that there are certain moments in your life when you remove yourself from the moment, sit back and think, when it's all said and then and i'm going home, what will people say about my life and me.

as i lay on the examining table today draped in my fancy white sheet from the waist down and staring at the ceiling and reverting to my 'nothing box,' i removed myself from the moment and imagined what would play out over the next twenty or thirty minutes. i was at peace and calm about whatever had to tell me. i knew she'd be honest with me, but she'd take her time in making sure i understood everything she was saying and all that would happen. and so i thought the worst case scernio first: the cells would turn white, i would have to do that horrible deep-belly cough and my cells would be scraped and removed so some pathologist could exam them more and call me next week and tell me that i needed to come in for a 'talk.' then i laid there and imagined her saying that the last person who read my pap must have had it mixed up with someone else's and there was nothing abnormal about my cervix and myself. two very different pictures with two very different endings one would imagine. but when i finished with both, they both ended with me in a smile thankful that i was blessed enough to have this follow-up appointment to check no matter what the outcome.

and then the doctor came in. i wish she was my everyday doctor. very personable and easy-going. very straight forward about the procedure and easy to talk to. she explained everything. walked my through the whole procedure. as we got down to it, she seemed almost a little disappointed. she said my cervix was 'beautiful.' and when it was all said and done, there was no coughing, no 'where do we go from here,' no scraping and no unanswered questions.

so i don't have cancer. i could have cancer some day. but if i follow the doctor's orders and see the gyno every six months until i'm 'normal,' i should be just fine. i do have hpv, that thing they have gardsil for. i could be the poster child now of what could happen when you don't get the shot. but all and all, it's something i can live with. it's something that doesn't affect aaron, we'll be able to have another child and i'll be able to build an actual relationship with my gyno since i'll be seeing them every six months.

all and all, when my life is read back, it seems that there will be no great tragedy in this chapter and that's fine with me.