5 months gone, 7 to go

it's been five months today since aaron came home! my how time has flown. it's time we'll never get back, but it's time that has left us we great memories. now we have at least seven more months to fill with memories. we'll find out in a few weeks a better time frame of aaron's next road trip back east and where we'll call home after our short stay out here in the desert.

i was updating the picture bar on my laptop tonight and looking through some of cayman's pictures from the last 19 months. he sat on my lap and identified 'dadda' and 'momma' and 'baby.' and then he was amazed to realize that he was the 'baby.' and i was amazed to see how much our little man has grown up in the last 19 months. but, i was saddened by how much aaron had missed: his first christmas morning (sure we did 'ours' early), his first flight, his first 100th day, his first race, his first time at the beach, his first pulling his head up, his first time rolling over, his foods, his first crawl, his first present in the mail, his first steps, his first words, his first birthday and the list goes on and on. a lot happened in 14 months. and yes, i sent him enough pictures of everything to cover his walls and then some and he had enough home made movies to entertain his soldiers for three days straight, but it's not like being there. and as we were talking about maybe #2 completing our family, all i can think about is aaron's next deployment rotation and what it'll mean in respect to completing our family.

God's got great timing, we won't despite that fact. but sometimes i think he has too much faith in me and what i can handle. can i really handle a pregnancy with my husband in a war zone? can i really handle a toddler and a newborn? can i really juggle our home life, his deployment, the kids and my military wife responsibilities and somewhat keep my sanity? i know he won't give me more then i can handle (though at times he wants us to ask for help), but still. one can't help be hesitant when faced with so many uncertainties. but then again, my worries are small compared to those others face. and so, i praise God for keeping my worries down to a size i can handle them. baby steps.