transparent moment

so i went to sleep early tonight. partly because i was feeling grouchy and not wanting to deal with my family who we've been visiting for 2 weeks anymore and partly because i wanted cayman in bed and asleep at a descent hour (you know the whole 'when at the grandparents' house, all the rules go out the window so you can have a great time trying to get them back on schedule once you get home' thingy). i was sleeping fine; peaceful, deep, much-needed sleep.

and then i woke up. irritate, restless, jealous, seeing green. i feel like i should be completely transparent with y'all, so i must confess this. as happy and over the moon as i am for all of my friends and their families that have returned after a deployment (not just the ones getting home now, but every time someone has redeployed while aaron has been deployed), i get jealous. i want it to be our turn. i understand that aaron has to finish his job and is in leadership and responsible for this and that and so on and so on.

but dang it! he was one of the first ones to leave! and i want him home, now! i don't want to wait any longer. i've waited long enough. i've waited over 13 long months. i've been there for my friends for 13 months of all sorts of craziness and i just want it all to be over with and to be home with my husband and our son and be one happy family again under one roof. and i want him home to play with cayman. i want him home now so that the two of them can start the whole 'getting to really know you' process. i want him home so i can finally go to the bathroom all by myself and not have a screaming toddler at the door or in the bathroom with me.

but, i have a lot to be thankful for, even as we wait for our homecoming. my husband is coming home, alive! he's going to get off that big white bus, on his own, uninjured. he's coming home as the man i married, no major surprises (we've talked everyday and in the recent weeks have started the whole 'reintegration thing' over the phone and webcam). heck, with him not coming up until next year, we get another month's hazard duty pay and separation pay. plus, january will be tax free. and, i'll be able to keep the kids for my friends so that they can have time alone with their husbands while i wait for my husband. and, i'll a few more days to run around like chicken with her head cut off trying to get things ready for aaron's homecoming.

so, i thank God that my husband is coming home, alive, under his own ability. and i ask God to give me the strength to be patient for just a little while longer. and to keep a positive attitude when i see others and their loved ones reunited. and i praise God because we could have other valleys to face that require much more then just patients.

ps, i love you