Thursday, August 6, 2009

i've got the fever and it's triple digits

so i didn't expect to catch the fever so soon or so strongly, but i've got it, and unfortunately, not everyone in our house has caught it. cayman caught it and is excited about it, but aaron not so much. he worries about the stresses and the financial side effects of the fever rather then the many other effects of this fever that are much more long lasting.

the fever that is running its course is the baby fever. even cayman has it. we ask him if he wants a baby or a dog and he says baby. we ask him if he wants a dog or a baby and he says, baby. and well, as much as i thought i'd be immune to the fever for a while longer, the timing is actually good, in my perspective. in aaron's eyes, this couldn't come at a more trying time. we both have good pros and cons, but i feel like i'm compromising more for him then he is for me.

aaron's reasons first. yes, we're planning on buying our very first home when we get to ft. carson, so it's a big financial step. however, we get bah every month to pay the mortgage. yes, we'll probably have to buy a fridge and a few other things, but with 6 months interest free, we can afford it. and the baby won't be due for 9 months. and then he's worried about stressing me out while he is deployed and leaving us here. well, i survived one deployment with cayman when he was an infant. grant it, i moved home with my parents who worked everyday and i finished my masters with a 3.93 gpa, but we were fine and i was fine. sure, having a toddler and an infant will be a lot to handle on top of a house that we own, but i'm pretty confident that with the support of my aunt and uncle and friends already in the area, we'll be just fine. plus, if we have the baby before aaron deploys, he can help get cayman and i into a routine with the baby and he'll be doing so many trainings prior to deploying that will be like practice for the real thing. i do feel like there may be more reasons to his hesitation too.

my reasons are more from the maternal point of view. first of all, i don't want the kids to be too far apart in age. the further apart, the great gap and more running for activities we (me) will have to do. also, the greater chance they'll never be at the same school. second, if we have the baby before aaron deploys, he can be home for the birth, the first few weeks (if not months) and we can all get adjusted together before he leaves. plus, he has no clue what to do between 5wks and 15 months for infants, so it's okay, i won't have to teach him. plus, by the time he deploys, cayman, baby and i would be in a routine of things and be just fine. third, if we wait until his r&r, what if i'm not even ovulating! and then there's the whole pressure of doing it and it's just too much stress. plus, if the baby is born shortly after aaron gets home, i'll be reintegrating him and cayman and myself again and then throwing a baby into the mix and most likely then we'll be pcsing and have to deal with the house (to sell or to rent). i'm tired of moving the THREE HUGE rubber maid boxes of cayman's clothes and all of the big baby toys. if we're not going to be trying soon, i'm giving it all away. plus, if we aren't going to be trying soon, no need for a 4 bedroom home, 3 bedrooms will be just fine. plus, the longer we wait, the longer i'm out of the classroom. don't get me wrong, i love being home with cayman, the best student i've ever had, but i hate that i worked my butt off to get my masters and now i'm not really using it. we have agreed that i would stay with the kids until they are in school, fine, but how much longer must i wait. and finally, cayman can't seem to keep his hands off the babies. every time he sees a baby, he goes over, rubs its feet, tickles its belly and goes, 'shhhh. baby.' come on. the kid is itching for a little brother or sister.

update: we've agreed that mirena can come out as soon as i'm down to 145lbs! guess who's working her tail off, literally!