Wednesday, February 24, 2010

through the lens of my carema

so aaron totally rocked my birthday (and valentine's day and our anniversary and mother's day) with a brand spanking new canon eos 7d! so, i've been playing around with it, learning how to use it and just enjoying life through the lens of my new camera.
as i was taking pictures the other day of our lil man as the snow fell gently around him, i started thinking, when you turn off the 'auto focus' and start using the 'manual focus,' it was more excitng to take pictures and see the end results. life is just the same way. when you turn off the 'auto focus' and start looking at life through 'manual focus,' you start seeing things more clearly for yourself.
as i turned the focus thingy to clear up the image through the lens, i started realizing that once i stopped going through life on 'auto,' i was able to start focusing on what's really important, not the things everyone else thought for me was important, but what i myself thought was and is important to me, for myself, for my family, for those who surround me.

and so with that, i'm focusing more on the 'manual' setting in my life, starting with the things i spend my time and energy on. aaron pointed out recently that i've been wearing myself thin, trying to help too many and forgetting to help myself and our family. so, the auto setting is off, the manual setting is on and i can't wait to see the pictures God and i take in 'manual.'

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

nothing, but a lot of things

ever just have a lot on your mind, but then nothing to really write? a lot has happened, but it just seems that i have no energy to sort it all out in my brain, get it through my finger tips and have it make sense for you to digust. so, i leave you with nothing, but with lots of things on my mind.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

what about my son

it's a double post night!

as i listen to lil man doze off to sleepy-by land on the baby monitor, and as i spend another night combing through the countless websites, reading article after article, searching for answers, i wonder, what about my son?

sure the department of defense has made sure there are plenty of resources for parents and teachers for school-aged children facing the deployment cycle. but when it comes to our youngest family members, it seems that most forget that they too serve, they too suffer, they too need support and comfort and help.

sure we keep busy, we have a routine, we watch 'dadda story' (videos of daddy reading stories), we do the webcam playdates, we have a picture wall gallery of pictures of lil man and daddy, we have the build-a-bear, we've read 'the kissing hand' and 'night catch,' lil man wears his milawear bracelet and has a set of daddy's dogtags, we talk on the phone with daddy as much as he can call, we do art for daddy and wounded warriors, we have monthly goals to help pass the time, we have playdates with other little ones going through the same thing, but at the end of the day, daddy still isn't home and it's still months before he'll be home (well, not right now, but come later on this year it will).

even now with hubby just tdy for three weeks, each and every time lil man hears an airplane (at lil man's request, we stayed at until we saw his plane taxi away), he has asked, 'dadda airplane?' and each time i tell him, 'not today. but in X more bedtimes daddy will be home.' there have already been a few times that i've bit my lip and looked away as to avoid tearing up. and to think, this is just a three week tdy and he's just a few states away. what am i going to do when hubby is 7 timezones and 7,079 miles away for at least 12 months?

i pray each and every night to God for strength and guidance. i've been grabbing every book possible to read and find more strategies for coping. i've talked with other moms. i've mentioned it to our deputy commander and our care team. but what more can i do? what more can i do for our son? for all the little ones who are forgotten?

what's really important

so this past weekend i went to church with my new bestie (don't worry other besties, you haven't be replaced, just added another). it's amazing how you can quickly forge a friendship with someone (but both of our hubs have been tdy the last two weeks and we've been sharing meals and helping her learn the town and the post). i digress. so at any rate, we're listening to this sermon about luke 12:12-21 about what are your real riches and the masks people will wear.

as we've been discussing each evening after the meal we've shared, i hate leftovers, i've come to realize that i too wear a masks, but i've also re-evaluated those who i counted close to me and slowly found that they too are wearing masks. there is no greater disappointment then to put your trust and confidence in someone and then realize that that trust and confidence has been betrayed when they turn and 'run' their mouth about you to someone else.

as i approach my 10 year high school reunion and i look over the pictures and jog down memory lane, i find that there are some that i wish i was still close friends with, but because of their masks and betrayal, we're not. and it's sad.

as the message continued, we also have discussed what's important to us. everyone needs a passion. whether it's your work, your family, your stress release, your possessions, everyone has something they are passionate about. if not, then they are missing out on life. however, sometimes your passion is not something you can store up and have waiting on you when you get to heaven. thinking about what my passion, helping others, i wonder, is that maybe why i've re-evaluated those around me and consider which are wearing the masks and which are passionate about being themselves and being true to me.

so at the end of the day, i know God has a plan for me, for me not to wear a mask, for me not to store up materialistic things, for me to carry on the path of life with those surrounding me that are true not just to me, but to themselves.

never seen a hoarse pulling a u-haul trailer.