Thursday, January 28, 2010

you can make a difference

so i'm just a lowly captain's wife. just a stay at home mom (though we're never home). just another spouse at fort carson.

well, last week the command at carson decided they should have a 'blog webchat' with those who wanted to share their concerns, praises and groans about things at carson. so, i of course took advantage of the moment to complain out the information channel(s) and the lack of customer service. well, apparently since i didn't just complain but actually offered solutions, i caught the eye of one of the top dogs. i was told to email him and for two days we played phone tag. well, after a short hour meeting with top dog, i have a voice for all those who want to see change at fort carson.

i never really thought that all my gripes and suggestion for more efficient and effective use of resources for our soldiers and their families would ever become much of anything else but small talk over coffee. it's amazing how God can put you in the right place at the right time. here's praying that i really will be able to really bloom where i'm planted.

Friday, January 22, 2010

no thank you, i don't like hiccups

ever feel like everything is going long just fine and then all of a sudden there's a hiccup? and then another? and one more hiccup after that one?

it seems that this last week was a make or break week with its hiccups, one after another. well, just like with this week and every other thing that comes up, you have two choices: take the hiccup, sit down and throw a pity party or you take the hiccup and tell it to take a hike. this week, every hiccup was told to take a hike. the coffee the kid knocked over and onto my backside during today's story time, no biggie, it was just a peppermint mocha and my pants smelled good. the hiccup of hubby going tdy and forcing lil man to become permanently attached to me, oh well, it's practice for the deployment. the disappointment in others' decisions this week. hey, you have to do what you have to do.

all and all, when evil tries to make its way into your day, you have to remember, it's a test, it's a way to hiccup what God has given you. and that's when you have to decide, pity party or take a hike?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

love is...

love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 corinthians 13:4-7
looking out the bathroom this morning as i blow-dried my hair, i was looking at our wedding picture frames. we had our guests sign our pictures frames and leave us personalized messages there rather then in a guest book. we have these frames hanging in the hallway to our bedroom. well, one message, from aaron's parents, was simple: love mom and dad 1 corinthians 13:4-7.
love is that simple. just 15 things to live by. be patient. be kind. no envy. no boasting. no need to be proud. don't be rude. don't be self-seeking. don't be quick to anger. and don't hold grudges. don't delight in others' difficulties or wrongs. seek the truth. always protect. always trust. always find hope. always persevere.
simple. and how i have made things difficult.
patient has not been a word in my vocabulary when it has come to aaron lately. i have been patient with his integration, a year in the making, but now that that time has come and gone, it seems my patients has too. guilty!
kind, are you kidding me. i have more negative, hurtful, unkind words springing from my mouth then i care for. rather then approach him and our life with understanding and patience, and use kind words, i have done all but that. guilty!
envy, oh i'm green. not that i'm envious of his job or the long hours he works. but i'm envious of the time he gets alone. ridiculous, right! okay, as a stay-at-home mom it is understandable that one feels like that never have time to themselves, but seriously, in retrospect to aaron and his time, i have no right to be envious or green. guilty!
boast, oh i can boast about all the things i do. and instead i know i should be thankful that i can do all those things. if it weren't for aaron's hard work and sacrifice, there's no way i would be able to spend the time i do with lil man, taking him here and there, or be able to live the lifestyle we do. guilty!
proud, see boast. guilty!
self-seeking, oh i'm good about making it look like aaron is being selfish when actually, i'm the one who is being selfish. rather then seeking out things for us, i'm so busy seeking things out for me. guilty!
easily angered, party of one, here! yup, i'm so quick to be angered by aaron. rather then take my own advice and counsel that i give everyone else, i'm the one who should be taking the deep breathes, taking a step back and seeing the big picture. guilty!
grudges, oh i have a mind sharp and ready to store any wrong-doing by aaron and can recall it when i need to. rather then recalling the good things, i've been so quick lately to recall the wrongs. guilty!
i'm so guilty of telling aaron, 'i hope this happens to you because you're not doing that.' how wrong! rather then accepting what he's doing, not wearing a coat when it's cold outside, i'm always quick to tell him the evil i hope comes to be, i hope you get sick. guilty!
truth. i'm so quick to question everything he says or to argue my point rather then just seeing the truth in the matter. guilty!
protects. aaron does so much to protect us. what do i do to protect us? sure i make sure lil man is protected, but as far as our marriage, what am i really doing to protect it? nothing. guilty!
trusts. see truth. guilty!
hope. recently it seems that i've just given up. rather then find the hope, the good in things to come for our marriage, i'm just looking forward to the break. rather then looking for growth, i'm looking for breaks. guilty!
perseveres. our marriage and our love will persevere. we do love each other. we said 'forever' and we will grow old together, sitting on our front porch on our rocking chairs still fussing at each other 80 years from now. guilty!
sure, there are a lot of things i'm guilty of and no, my hubby is not perfect either, he has his own set of guilties, but i know what i need to do, what i need to work on. now to communicate to him that we both have things to work on because we will make this marriage work. we're army strong! but more importantly, we're blessed by God and he's got a great plan and journey for us ahead!

Friday, January 15, 2010

i love you roommate

i cried myself to sleep last night, in lil man's room.

for the last few days it's felt i'm sharing a house with my hubby as his roommate rather then being the love of his life, his wife, the one he longs to fall asleep next to at night and the first to see in the morning. ugh.

we're 7 months away from the deployment. he'll be gone for the next 20 days come next week. it's been over a year now since he came home. we did just finish up the holidays. the honda does have some dents in it that we're having taken care of via the insurance company. the workload at work did just kick it up twelve notches. but all of these excuses don't explain why i've been demoted to roommate.

i'm trying not to let me disrupte my day. i did mention it to him. it's just so hard to continue to be the one who carries this relationship. it's hard to be the one who's always being romantic. it's just hard. and don't get me wrong. my hubby is a wonderful man. he provides for us, he protects us, he puts us first, but i feel like 'us' as a couple is nelegected. just a ull of the military love story.

Monday, January 4, 2010

stopped in my tracks

so i wanted to blog about my 'perfect 10' list for my perfect 2010, when all of sudden i was stopped in my tracks, doubled-over and forced to recognize that i need to slow down!

nothing like deciding whether to puke or poop in the toilet (sorry for the details) to make you realize that maybe God should do the planning and you should just listen. i was all excited about my list, in fact, i even put some of my '10's' in my weekly deployment check-in. but then sunday morning God's wreath was upon me, and well, i was shaken, not just from the chills, but reminded that i am merely on the path that God has laid before me and this journey has already been planned, booked, and packed for for me already (jeremiah 29:11).

so as i lay at the usafa's acute care clinic hooked up to an iv to pump me up with fluids again (funny how a morning of vomitting will drain you right up dry), i decided that my list of 10 needs to be reprioritized. and as i lay here, 24hrs after beginning my 'recovery,' i'm still waiting, and listening, and voling, about what order my list of 10 should be in or what really needs to on it.
here's what i've got so far:
1. recommit each day 10 minutes to just God and me
2. commit to heart 10 new verses
3. drop those last 10lbs
4. get 10 pedicures
5. read 10 new books
6. run the army 10 miler
7. make 10 new guinea connections
8. write 10 handwritten notes (and mail them)
9. take on 10 new projects
10. still haven't decided. any suggestions? i'm listening God. just no more bathroom moments, please