Saturday, January 16, 2010

love is...

love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 corinthians 13:4-7
looking out the bathroom this morning as i blow-dried my hair, i was looking at our wedding picture frames. we had our guests sign our pictures frames and leave us personalized messages there rather then in a guest book. we have these frames hanging in the hallway to our bedroom. well, one message, from aaron's parents, was simple: love mom and dad 1 corinthians 13:4-7.
love is that simple. just 15 things to live by. be patient. be kind. no envy. no boasting. no need to be proud. don't be rude. don't be self-seeking. don't be quick to anger. and don't hold grudges. don't delight in others' difficulties or wrongs. seek the truth. always protect. always trust. always find hope. always persevere.
simple. and how i have made things difficult.
patient has not been a word in my vocabulary when it has come to aaron lately. i have been patient with his integration, a year in the making, but now that that time has come and gone, it seems my patients has too. guilty!
kind, are you kidding me. i have more negative, hurtful, unkind words springing from my mouth then i care for. rather then approach him and our life with understanding and patience, and use kind words, i have done all but that. guilty!
envy, oh i'm green. not that i'm envious of his job or the long hours he works. but i'm envious of the time he gets alone. ridiculous, right! okay, as a stay-at-home mom it is understandable that one feels like that never have time to themselves, but seriously, in retrospect to aaron and his time, i have no right to be envious or green. guilty!
boast, oh i can boast about all the things i do. and instead i know i should be thankful that i can do all those things. if it weren't for aaron's hard work and sacrifice, there's no way i would be able to spend the time i do with lil man, taking him here and there, or be able to live the lifestyle we do. guilty!
proud, see boast. guilty!
self-seeking, oh i'm good about making it look like aaron is being selfish when actually, i'm the one who is being selfish. rather then seeking out things for us, i'm so busy seeking things out for me. guilty!
easily angered, party of one, here! yup, i'm so quick to be angered by aaron. rather then take my own advice and counsel that i give everyone else, i'm the one who should be taking the deep breathes, taking a step back and seeing the big picture. guilty!
grudges, oh i have a mind sharp and ready to store any wrong-doing by aaron and can recall it when i need to. rather then recalling the good things, i've been so quick lately to recall the wrongs. guilty!
i'm so guilty of telling aaron, 'i hope this happens to you because you're not doing that.' how wrong! rather then accepting what he's doing, not wearing a coat when it's cold outside, i'm always quick to tell him the evil i hope comes to be, i hope you get sick. guilty!
truth. i'm so quick to question everything he says or to argue my point rather then just seeing the truth in the matter. guilty!
protects. aaron does so much to protect us. what do i do to protect us? sure i make sure lil man is protected, but as far as our marriage, what am i really doing to protect it? nothing. guilty!
trusts. see truth. guilty!
hope. recently it seems that i've just given up. rather then find the hope, the good in things to come for our marriage, i'm just looking forward to the break. rather then looking for growth, i'm looking for breaks. guilty!
perseveres. our marriage and our love will persevere. we do love each other. we said 'forever' and we will grow old together, sitting on our front porch on our rocking chairs still fussing at each other 80 years from now. guilty!
sure, there are a lot of things i'm guilty of and no, my hubby is not perfect either, he has his own set of guilties, but i know what i need to do, what i need to work on. now to communicate to him that we both have things to work on because we will make this marriage work. we're army strong! but more importantly, we're blessed by God and he's got a great plan and journey for us ahead!


Tyler said...

Ugh! No one said marriage was easy. But I'm right there with you. I do and say things I shouldn't all the time. But no one is perfect or expects you to be. Hang in there lady!

The Fishers said...

Well said! Marriage is tough, no doubt about it- then you add deployments (and the like) kids and life. That makes it hard work. Mike and I certainly have our waves. Not long ago we had to take a serious look at our marriage and make the effort to be more self aware. Its hard and you guys are so positive and faithful :) you are great parents too. Cayman is happy and healthy! Hang in there and call me anytime you need to talk!

Taylor said...

Good to know we're all imperfect. I think you of all people know how terrible I am at loving others! :) But God can work miracles in us and I'm hoping He works a big one of how to truly love in me! Really liked this blog. I know it was hard to be so honest, but it humbling. Thanks!