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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

finding the positive isn't always easy

so i know the last few posts have been rather depressing. and to be honest, i've put off writing my weekly deployment check-in along with a few other things because i've just been an emotional mess and can't take on more.

with the reality that we're less then 90 days out from duffel bags, white buses and webcam dates again, i know our opportunities for make a baby are getting slimmer too. and then the thought that hubby will miss two birthdays, two football seasons, two halloweens, two thanksgivings, two christmases and one of everything else in between, i'm having a hard time trying to find the positive, the silver lining, the joy in what God has put before me.

usually i'm good at finding the positive, but i have these fears, thoughts that i know the devil has placed in my way to make we weaver in my faith. i know that i can overcome those thoughts, i know God will bring us through this. He is bringing us to it, so i know He'll bring us through it. but even with that echoing in my head, i'm having a hard time believing it with all my heart, soul and mind. and heck, why shouldn't i. 15 months is a very long time. iraq is safer then afghanstain, but still. any number of things could happen. what if i don't get pregnant? what if i miscarry and hubby is half a world away? what if?

but i'm trying to wrap my head around it. find the positive and make the most of our time together. so, my prayer is for positive thinking, for courage to face the journey before us, to have renewed and continued faith and to kick satan out of my mind.

2 comments:

Tyler said...

15 months? What the hell? Why are they going for so long? The Army, I tell yah. Ryan's leave date isn't too far behind Aarons. He'll be in Afghanistan though. It's so hard not to think about "those things". I think it's just human nature to get caught up in the what ifs. I'm here if you need me!

The Fisher's said...

I'll be here for you! You know I love you and would drop it all to come hug your neck if you needed me to. We can have sleepovers too ;)

I'm sorry your down. I can imagine the anxiety of this deployment is getting to you guys. You are always in my prayers sweet friend!

If there's anything I can do, let me know. And we totally need to get on those pedi's soon!

Much love!