Saturday, October 10, 2009

now more then ever

so i don't know if i'm pregnant and hormonal or if it's the fact that we just bought a house or the matter that last weekend 9 soldiers from ft. carson were killed in action or just the mess in my head, but now more then ever, i find myself tearing up at the smallest things, dreading the upcoming deployment more and questioning God's reasoning more. it's crazy, this isn't me. this isn't my potential. this isn't how it was suppose to be.

maybe before i was naive or maybe just ignorant, or just too Innocent and faithful. but as time has ticked by and we've been blessed with everything we thought we could really ever want, i find myself dreading it, dreading the blessings, dreading the things to come.

and as i sit here, i can't help but think tim tebow got it right and it was the whole purpose of me watching the game: 1 Thess. 5:18. i want to give thanks. i have so much to be thankful for. i know we could be in much worse circumstances in life. so as i give thanks, why can't i be joyful about it? why must dread linger in the distance shadowing the amazing things God has done for us?

i give thanks for so many things; my loving husband, our beautiful son, a roof over our head and food on our table, for loving family and friends and their support, for a country where we have been given so many opportunities, for the challenges that have made us stronger and much more.


Jennifer said...

So glad you found a purpose in watching a UF game. :)

All kidding aside, I don't know why you are feeling more emotional either. But accept it and let it happen. God made you a feeling woman for a reason too.

Taylor said...

I know this sounds mean, but I am so glad I'm not the only one who is feeling dread. Nick is deployed right now, but at least I know he is safe. My kids drive me crazy sometimes, but I love them and I am grateful for their lives and health. I'm not sleeping the way I used to, but at least it isn't as bad as the postpartum insomnia I had back in Feb. Still, I am not acting myself. I'm all worked up, anxious, and feeling a certain dread that I can't explain. It's scary. But thank you for reminding me to give thanks. Honestly, the only other thing getting me through right now is being in God's Word every day through BSF. Such a blessing!