Monday, September 21, 2009

we're 'normal'

so we hit a major 'make it or break it' point this past weekend. never before has moving been so stressful. but this time around, the sooner we get to our new house, the sooner we know aaron will deploy. in the past, when we moved from mac dill to ft. polk, we had NO clue aaron would be deploying a few weeks after we unpacked our boxes. when we moved from ft. polk to ft. huachuca, we knew aaron would be in school for five months. now moving from ft. huachuca to ft. carson, though there is much excitement surrounding this move, we KNOW aaron will be deploying in the near future (sorry, i can't tell you nor do we know for sure). well, this has made this move all but tolerable up until the other day.

with the lingering thought of aaron leaving again, and still struggling to release my tight grasp on EVERYTHING, i had a complete meltdown and we hit heads completely head on. between the tears, the fears and 'pissy' behavior, we apparently have become 'normal' according to all the military garb out there about the 'normal' army couple nowadays.

but here's what sets us apart from the rest of the 'normal' couples in those write-ups: as we sat on the bathroom floor crying and blabbing about how we will make it through this, we figured out what are 'problem' is: i don't want to release my stronghold on EVERYTHING because i know aaron will be leaving again, leaving me to take on EVERYTHING again on my own. and with this inability to let go and being OVERLY critical of everything aaron does, I have created this horrible, heavy, cumbersome burden for myself.

so, as we sat there deciding we were not going to just be 'normal' and strive to be 'us,' i sat there rolling around in my head the idea of letting going though i know it will only be for a short time. but, that's our life, it's us, it's the life we chose together and knew we were getting into. so, as we sit in the middle of our house full of boxes and ready to make the 822 mile drive north knowing that in a few months aaron will be boarding a plane to fly some 8,922 miles across the world to protect and define what's right with 'us,' we're just going to be 'us' and not worry about being 'normal.' because that's what God has blessed us with and we'll take it!


Tyler said...

I will have to check that out! I'm glad you guys are striving to be "normal" for you. It's hard to find that spot. Like right now, it's "normal" for the hubs to be gone and our only form of communication is by phone and the occasional Facebook chat. It's crazy what becomes "normal", but I believe you have to find what works best for you and stick with it. Good luck on your move! I hear Ft. Carson is beautiful!

The Fishers said...

Sometimes these things have to come to a head so we understand where we are, where we're going, where we want to be, etc. I'm pumped for you to get here! Its COLD! I didn't realize he was leaving so soon :( He just got back. Anywho, I'm an hour down the road and am here for you anytime :)

Taylor said...

I'm glad you guys were able to talk about it and realize what was going on. It takes time to get used to being the one "in control" of everything and it takes even more time to give it up. So I'm afraid you are "normal" after all. ;-) I'll be praying for you. I know God will see you through. And I truly mean I am here if you need me.