Tuesday, September 15, 2009

we all have it

we all have it. if you've been through a deployment, you have it. it's a matter of how you deal with it that sets you apart from the rest. heck, any separation from your loved one(s), regardless of the time frame, is tough on the body, mind and soul, but when you add in the news media, the missed holidays and watching your kids grow up via a webcam, one can hardly believe you wouldn't have it. and even if you don't think you have it, you have it, you're just denying yourself. and that makes it even worse. but, once again, what sets you apart from the rest is what you do with it once you accept that you have it.

i'm talking about ptsd. post traumatic stress disorder. it's not a disorder really. and you can have pre traumatic stress too. overall, it's a strain on you, on your overall well-being, on your self, on your emotions, your mind, your spirit and your soul. but, knowing that you're not the only one with it and that plenty go on with their everyday life as 'normal' and 'normal' can be, there is hope.

aaron did his 'clearing' from his course this week and i guess part of his clearing required a post-psych evaluation. apparently they wanted to make sure the course didn't make him go batty (too late). well, he came home and said, 'hmm... turns out i have mild ptsd.' i know this going to sound harsh, but i wasn't surprised. i kinda just brushed it off. for months i've known. i knew even before he came home. i knew i had it before he even got on a plane to redeploy home to us finally. however, there was a difference between then and now. just because i knew didn't make it okay. knowing now because he told me himself makes it okay, for both of us.

i don't love him any less. i'm not scared of him. but hearing him say he has ptsd just makes me feel that he has come to grasp the full affects of this last deployment and everything that happened. as we wrapped our heads around it (not much wrapping to do on my end), he received his new assignment and a tentative deployment timeline. this time only 12 months, but another round of separation and wear and tear on the mind, body and soul.

ps, but with strength, we'll get through this too. for nothing is greater then what He is will to help us through. i love you


Tyler said...

Ugh! I hate Deployment news. Hopefully it's far away and you get some more time with your lovey. Such a drag. I'm thinking about you!