Tuesday, April 28, 2009


but i believe always always

our Savior never fails
even when all hope has failed
our God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always
~ building 429

today is a tender day in our lives. a year ago today, aaron's base went on blackout, again, after being attacked. there are many stories about what exactly happened: they guys in the tower fell asleep, they didn't recognize the truck setting up with the mortars, and so on. what did come about though was the loss of three soldiers and a wake up call to many, including myself. if wasn't until after aaron returned home and he opened up to me one night about that day a year ago that i realized how truly blessed i am... had my husband been in the right place at the right time as he had been everyday, the causality list would have included one more. but God had a different plan for him and for us.

it's not that i knew marcus personally. i don't know jules personally either. but as i watched the evening news last april, being able to connect a real person, a person who sat near us at church, a person whose family i knew, a person who seemed to have so much life ahead of him and his wife, it made the loss all the harder. i'm saddened each time the Good Soldier blog is updated with a loss of another soldier. but being able to connect a person you know to that name makes it all the harder.

cayman and i along with my mum attended the funeral on may 2nd for marcus. seeing the people, real people, people who lived in our community, people whose lives were now missing someone, made it all the more real. the 21 gun salute and the folding of the flag made me clutch cayman all the tighter and made me appreciate my husband all the more.

so as the anniversary comes today as it will every year, i am reminded that God is always with us. jules has moved on, she's making a new life as she carries the memories of her buried husband with her. heather and bryan and the kids are making the most of each day. each day i look at my husband and i flashback to what could have been a knock on my door and the evening news highlighting aaron's life. and through it all, i remember, God is with us always, through the pain and through the joy of life.

ps, i honestly don't know what i would do without you. you are my reason for raising in the morning. you are my reason for making the most of each day. you are the reason i feel i have purpose as a wife and a mother. without you, i am lost, just a child of God without a purpose. i love you